Episode Notes
This is our letter to Karl Marx. We hope that you find the comical satire in our letters and stay tuned for more letters to come.
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.
READ THE LETTER – EPISODE 9 – Dear Karl Marx
Dear Karl Marx,
Thanks for the economic fan fiction that somehow convinced half the internet that money is evil, landlords are the enemy, and the government should be everyone’s dad.
You really outdid yourself. You gave us Das Kapital—a book so long and miserable, people pretend to have read it just to feel oppressed at brunch.
Now, Karl, don’t take this personally—but your ideas aged about as well as milk on a windowsill in July. Every time someone says “real communism hasn’t been tried,” we get another nation that ends up with no food, no electricity, but plenty of murals of you on every street corner.
Real inspiring.
Let’s talk “workers owning the means of production.”
Cute in theory.
But now it means Becky wants equity in a Starbucks because she can foam milk and post about Marx on Twitter using a $1,200 iPhone made in a capitalist supply chain.
Irony?
No—it’s Marxism with free Wi-Fi.
Also, quick question: were you aware your biggest fans today are middle-class liberal arts majors with $180,000 in student debt and a Che Guevara tote bag?
They scream about the evils of capitalism while sipping $9 oat milk lattes and paying $4,000/month to live in cities run by people who love your ideas—but somehow can’t fix potholes.
You’re the original influencer, Karl.
You didn’t make money from labor—you made it by writing about why money is bad. And somehow, people bought it.
Literally.
Meanwhile, every time someone tries to revive your economic fever dream, it ends with empty shelves, secret police, and people bartering potatoes for aspirin.
But sure, let’s “redistribute the wealth” again—because that’s worked so well every other time.
Also, side note: can we just admit that “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” sounds like the kind of slogan you’d see in a badly run group project that ends with one person doing everything while four others take credit?
In short, Karl, thanks for inspiring an entire generation to fight capitalism… by creating TikToks monetized by the very system they claim to hate.
Sincerely Savage,
The Generation Still Paying Taxes So People Can Major in Theories You Invented While Sitting in a Café Writing About the Working Class You Refused to Join
P.S. If “capitalism is evil,” then why do your books still sell for $19.99?
Legal Disclaimer: The following letter is a work of satire and comedy. All names, events, and scenarios are fictionalized for humorous purposes and are not intended to be taken as factual statements.
